Better Dull Than Dead

I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy getting married, having a honeymoon, and going back to work, all of which has taken a bit of getting used to.

I was shocked by the first day of work; after about 7 hours of hard mental concentration I really wanted to relax by having a drink. I even thought about going to the bar downstairs and knocking back a couple of shots of Jaegermeister before going to meet my husband for dinner, thinking that insidious alcoholic thought: "No one will ever know."

I have to learn new techniques for relaxing and resting my mind. Yoga and CSI help, but I think it will take some time for new habits to replace my automatic thoughts of needing a drink.

The other night I was talking to a 2-day-old newcomer after a meeting, and she was expressing the same grief I often have over losing the ability to be the life of the party and have a good time drinking with friends. An old-timer was trying to convince her that sober life could be fun too. I was trying to agree, but a part of mind was protesting that nothing is as fun as going out and getting drunk, and that sober living is really kind of dull. But then I realized: what option do I have? Getting drunk isn't fun for me anymore, and if I do it I will soon end up in an institution or a grave. Watching CSI and crocheting may not be as fun as staggering home after demonstrating my affection for everyone at the bar, but it's better than losing everything and becoming a crack whore.

I think.