Dead Weight

Yesterday I was walking past some people eating at an outdoor restaurant, and as I walked by, I overheard a woman say, "I think if he becomes president he will be assassinated. I have no idea which candidate she meant. For all I know, she could have been talking about Raul Castro. But it got me thinking about hatred for political figures.

It has always made me uncomfortable when other people express strong hatred for politicians. I always feel as if I have to defend whoever is being attacked, which makes me rather unpopular at parties. At first I thought that this characteristic was my need to champion the underdog, and to restore balance (if you say it's black, I need to point out that it could be white from a different perspective). But it makes me so uncomfortable that there must be something else going on.

They say that when you start taking someone else's inventory, it's time to turn the searchlight on yourself. I realized that my discomfort over political hatred is perilously near to my own contempt and resentment for men whom I never met and who are, additionally, dead. Three come to mind immediately, the trio whom I have always called the most overrated men of the nineteenth century: Darwin, Marx, and Freud. I've been holding a grudge against these guys for years, and, while I don't think it has hurt them, it's probably not necessary for me to carry it around any longer. I need to work on developing compassion for the overrated.

Although I'll wait until I'm stronger to start working on my feelings about Reagan.

Just for today, I will learn to have compassion for dead men I never met.

Chronic Relapsers

I've heard several people describe themselves as "chronic relapsers," as if this puts them into a separate, more hopeless category of alcoholism. The truth is, all alcoholics are chronic relapsers. Our natural state is progressive deterioration further and deeper into the depths of alcohol dependence. Each day of recovery is a miracle. Some of us just have longer periods between relapses, and some of us are lucky enough to die of old age or other non-alcoholic causes between relapses.

Just for today, I will remember that relapse is not a failure, but every day between relapses is a gift from my Higher Power.

A Practical Demonstration of Alcoholic Thinking

I went to a meeting the other night, and the seventh tradition was passed around in a sort of easter basket. One person put in a few small coins. As the basket was passed to the next person, the coins fell out the bottom of the basket onto the floor. That person picked up the coins, put them back in the basket, and passed it to the next person, upon which the coins fell out again. This pattern was repeated at least a dozen times, amid much laughter.

I thought to myself, only a group of alcoholics would continue to place coins into a basket that they know has a coin-shaped hole in the bottom, not because they are stupid, but because you know every one of them was thinking, "I bet I can put the coins in the basket differently so they won't fall out."

Just for today, I will remember that there is a hole in the bottom of the basket.