I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy getting married, having a honeymoon, and going back to work, all of which has taken a bit of getting used to.
I was shocked by the first day of work; after about 7 hours of hard mental concentration I really wanted to relax by having a drink. I even thought about going to the bar downstairs and knocking back a couple of shots of Jaegermeister before going to meet my husband for dinner, thinking that insidious alcoholic thought: "No one will ever know."
I have to learn new techniques for relaxing and resting my mind. Yoga and CSI help, but I think it will take some time for new habits to replace my automatic thoughts of needing a drink.
The other night I was talking to a 2-day-old newcomer after a meeting, and she was expressing the same grief I often have over losing the ability to be the life of the party and have a good time drinking with friends. An old-timer was trying to convince her that sober life could be fun too. I was trying to agree, but a part of mind was protesting that nothing is as fun as going out and getting drunk, and that sober living is really kind of dull. But then I realized: what option do I have? Getting drunk isn't fun for me anymore, and if I do it I will soon end up in an institution or a grave. Watching CSI and crocheting may not be as fun as staggering home after demonstrating my affection for everyone at the bar, but it's better than losing everything and becoming a crack whore.
I think.
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3 comments:
It gets funner, I swear! Either that or you get used to dull. : ) I've missed you! Can I call you sometime?
I don't know if it gets funner, honesty, but I know that the attraction of getting drunk gets weaker. I was watching other people get drunk this weekend and it looked really, really, really unattractive.
Whenever I feel the desire to have a lot of drinks, when it feels like that would be the only way I could really relax or express the way I'm feeling (because I am not a person who eschews drinking one drink in theory - I just never actually seem to drink at all), I just think about the morning after.
It works every time. But surely with the support network you are building with sober people, there are actually FUN things to do with others. That seems important; that the only options aren't crocheting and TV (and computer games, like me).
you post made me think of the Harper Lee quote:
"I'm beginning to understand something. I think I'm beginning to understand why Boo Radley stayed shut up in the house all this time...it's because he wants to stay inside."
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